In the semiotic language of the global culture, cafes stand for interaction, interchange, and therefore for reproduction and finally for life itself. Traditionally hotbeds of intellectual discourse, radical politics, and simply a lot of hot air, coffeehouses also deliver a relatively positive, life-affirming drug in drinks whose unique flavor and texture relies both on sophisticated mechanical technology and on fragile human talent. The best of cafes are simultaneously urban and pastoral - places of mutually beneficial consumption where a considerate patron can choose to either meet and greet or to be left alone. It is critical, then, that those with ability and will committ to developing and delivering quality coffeehouse experiences, serving variable expectations and circumstances on the part of patrons. Here is how I subjectively see cafes that are important to me. 1 is worst; 5 is best. 6's go only to the most extraordinary establishments.